Silence is deafening
by Ofi
Summary: For Rath the differance between silence and noise is crucial and full of painful thoughts and memories. Each represent parts and cirmcumstances in his life.


It isn't exactly out of anger that he stomps and crashes around his room, dragging chairs and such. No he's not exactly mad, well it depends what definition you give that word. His hand pushes a vase off its resting place and his eyes widen as he follows it's decent to the ground. Rath Illuser smiles when it shatters and relishes the sound of the vase breaking into a thousand tiny pieces that'll make that crunching sound when he steps on them. He bends down and gathers a handful of the broken pottery in his hand. He'll soon hear the footsteps on the castles stone floors followed by pleading voice that come from the other side of the doors. Rath looks on the verge of laughter, he can't wait.  
  
He's not angry, nothing along those lines, it's just that he has to create sound, the castle's silence drives him insane. That's one of the reason he hates it so much here. Silence reminds him of snow, thick silent flakes coating his skin atop a mountain as the alchemist present to him an ugly truth. Sound reminds him of being innocent and oblivious.  
  
For example, Crewgar and Fire were noisy. Crewgar with his barks and panting after he tired of chasing Rath and that low growl that would lull Rath to sleep. Even though Fired couldn't really speak he would make little squeaks and rustle paper to get his masters attention. And when he would hold up his messages he would flail his little arms around and move as if he was dancing. His little wings would bat against the air as he would play with him and Crewgar back then, those were the best times. Neither could speak in voice to him but they were loud in their own way letting Rath be at peace. But now he has neither of his friends, the places they would play are now empty and silent.  
  
He misses the traveling with Rune and Thatz, seriously how much louder could you get? Thatz with his passion for food and treasures- the detours they would take for them, constantly arguing with Rune. Both knights were funny and calming, back then they had just looked at him like he was simply Rath, the fire knight obsessed with demon hunting. Rune was funny too, well mostly he was fun to make angry. Rath loved it when the water knight would yell at him not to be insolent. Sometimes he would be rude just to bask in Rune's yelling. But now... now they're not the same. There's that strange silence between them now, Rune and Thatz worrying over him like he might drop dead at any moment. If they didn't look so worried, Rath would actually find it amusing. Sometime at night he closes his eyes and tries to relive those moments running around with Nadil's head but it never works.  
  
After coming back to castle freaked that Nadil's head was nowhere to be found, he discovered that Cesia makes a lot of noise too. That's why he left with her in the first place, she screamed, ranted and complained and Rath loved every second of it. Occasionally it was worth making her mad: she'd yell at him for hours on end. She would threaten him and everything, not that the sound he really enjoyed but it worked. It often backfired though, she would get really sad and quiet or worse- start crying. Tears are silent, and those are what hurt him the most, especially hers. He hates to make her sad, that's why he left her alone. He didn't want to hurt her anymore.  
  
Demon hunting became an escape after that day of silence. Even if he or his opponent were silent, the sound of sword through flesh was not. Neither were the complaints whoever he was traveling with about why he'd disappeared again  
  
Hurting himself was quiet but comforting, there's a huge difference between silence and quiteness in his mind. When something is quiet it is always on the verge of becoming something loud. Seeing his blood assured him that he was, if fact, alive. When they caught him doing it, they would go on and on about how worried they were. Rath ignored the fear in their voice, opting instead to loose himself in the sound. His quiet world regained sound quickly after.

He can't stand silence. Silence makes him remember things he wants to forget. Those memories make him think thoughts that once horrified him but are now a part of daily life. Silence is looking over Crewgar and Illusers dead bodies, and recognizing that Fire belongs to Gil. Silence is absorbing all that he kills. Silence is...  
  
"Rath! What happened?! Open the door!" Kaistern's voice disrupts his thoughts, Rath laughs softly.  
  
"Rath? Hey come on open up!" Thatz pounding on his door accompany his voice.  
  
"Don't worry us Rath, let us make sure you are okay" Rune pleads. Quite the group that gathers outside his door, if they continue at that tone most of the Dragon Castle will be up here. A feminine voice arrives  
  
"Open the door Rath, quite being such a brat" she demands. 'Hey Cesia' Rath thinks. They continue shouting and knocking on his door.  
  
Rath sits back and immerses himself in their voices. He smiles childishly his hand full of pieces of the broken vase. As they continue to plead that he respond at open the door, he pulls his hand into a tight fist. He laughs loud and maniaticaly as he hears the crunching noise, sees the blood, and feels the pieces digging deep into his skin.  
  
Sound is color, noise; sound is life and pain. Sound is vibrant and dripping in red like blood. It reminds him that something keeps him alive. Sound is traveling with Rune and Thatz, being insolent and watching as Thatz drooled over food, teasing Rune about making such a pretty girl. Sound is making Cesia mad, and the ecstasy her laughter makes him feel. Sound was when he still liked being in the castle. Sound is Crewgar chasing him and Fire arguing with him. Sound is life.  
  
Silence is bleak, cold, and forever white. Silence is tight smiles and lies. Silence equals death and numbness.Silence is Cesia crying and Lady Rasaelena not being able to have children. Silence is the alchemist. Silence is Thatz's scars, and Rune's girlfriend sleeping under a spell. Silence is madening, but it depends what definition you give to that word. Silence is that split second before his sword cuts into his flesh.

Silence is deafening


End file.
